Diary of a pissed-off flight attendant

Do you think being a stewardess is prestigious?

When I was a kid I remember once having a conversation with my parents while having dinner. My mom told me I have to become a stewardess when I turn 18 because it’s almost time I should start making money by myself and become independent.

“I have to? What do you mean by I have to? Find a job – ok, be independent- ok BUT why I have to become a stewardess?! I don’t want to be a waitress in the air!” I started to grumble.

Don’t get me wrong – there is nothing bad or being ashamed of working as a waitress but in Bulgaria that’s not the best job that can help you earn enough money to cover all your expenses normally and get into a “healthy” environment among intelligent young people. That’s why I didn’t want to become a flight attendant, I didn’t want to be treated like a waitress dealing with people with no manners. Well, later I realized this job was actually way more responsible and my main duties were not just serving people food and drinks.

Yes, being a flight attendant is the perfect job for every young person. You put on the nice and clean uniform, you travel the world, you get big discounts, sometimes you work only 4 hours per day (if you have a short domestic flight in your roster) and you still earn more money than your parents do. But sometimes believe me things go so wrong that you want to shoot yourself and never get on a plane ever again. I will share a few stories of mine that will change your point of view…

Usually all galleys on our planes used to be right next to the toilets and a small curtain was the only thing that was protecting us from the phenomenal smells. Imagine the moment when you’re starving, you’re about to eat your favorite thing and a killing smell hits you right in the face. Now please let me enjoy my meal…

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Let me tell you something. I used to love that touch of rough dry bare feet on my skin while I was walking down the aisle. Dear passengers, I know it’s so good when the seats next to you are empty and you just lay down stretching your feet and hands everywhere but helloooo, you are hungry and you want a cup of wine, right? Can I have some space to move, please?

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Let’s do not forget the part with the vomiting. Once a drunk Russian (no offense) lady decided to throw up on my jumpseat (the place where I used to sit for take off and landing). I had to clean it otherwise I had to sit on the floor for landing but looking at the whole menu that she consumed for the day I was the one who was about to vomit. So I just took my suitcase, put it right next to my colleague’s jumpseat and during landing I held myself tight with both hands for the door handle. Yes, that’s not what we call “safety” but there was no way I could have cleaned this.

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Once we had a problem with the flush in one of the lavatories but we didn’t believe it was that serious until the toilet got crazy and exploded with fecal in a passengers face. All we could hear was a woman scream from the inside and then see a beautiful landscape on the wall. The woman was so pissed off and helpless at the same time that she couldn’t stop crying and yelling at us.

Dear colleagues from all other airlines. You know what is like to deal with Indians, Egyptians and other nations who have never been flying by plane before. Many stories about people pooping or peeing on their seats without even asking if there is toilet on board…well we also had a Bulgarian passenger who decided to pee in the sink in the lavatory. Was he drunk or he didn’t know how to use the toilet, I don’t know but he did what he did…

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More funny aviation stories you can find here: Air ConfidentialWhy is it better to be a cactus rather than a flight attendantFunny stories at 30,000 feet. Part 2

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