Diary of a pissed-off flight attendant

16 advices for a pleasant and comfortable flight. Part 1

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If you travel a lot by air as a passenger you should read this! Being a flight attendant is very stressful job and requires lot of concentration, flexibility and patience. What pushes flight attendant’s buttons and what you can do as a passenger to make your flight more comfortable and their jobs easier? Today you will learn also very interesting and some of them funy facts flight attendants will never tell you…

1. After boarding is completed cabin attendants must count all passengers on board. It is not very polite to interrupt them when you can’t find a place to stow your luggage. You can ask them for assistance when they start closing the overheadbins, which means they have already finished with the counting. Remember thе faster cabin attendants finish with the counting, the faster you will be ready for take off.  Once I had a situation when I had to count all passengers on board ,but couldn’t do it, because of a Russian woman who had a problem with the seats of her children. I told her few times to wait, so I can count the passengers first and after that I will assist her. But no…she had interrupted me five times more to tell me what her problem was. Аt the end I got so angry that I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t have the right to punch her in the face, offend her and having all this in mind made me feel so powerless. That is why my face turned red, my hands started shaking and all I did was to furiously whisk my manual counter device in front of her face. The only words that could come out of my mouth were slowly and clearly saying: ”Don’t you see I am counting, woman?! Could you PLEASE be more pratient, because you hinder the normal process of working?!”

2. If there is not enough space in the overhead bins for your luggage you can always try under the seat in front of you. Besides this way you can protect your luggage from airplane gnomes who rummage it for chewing gums and candy…just kidding.

3. Cabin attendants are not obliged to pick up your heavy luggage. If you can’t pick your own 50 pound suitcase, how do you expect а slender cabin attendant to do it? Well..for 50 bucks I may think about it…

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4. If you are sitting next to an emergency exits you are obliged to put ALL your hand luggage (pillows, quilts, carpets, fryers and all other new purchases) in the overhead bins, no matter wich airline you’re flying with. It is necessary to do it only for take off and landing, because this is the most risky moment when an emergency situation may occur and all exits should not be blocked. We do understand you wish to take a closer look to your new microwave, fryer or TV, but you can do it after take off.

5. I will reveal one secret which flight attendants will never tell you, because they are always going to be shy – fat people should not be seated next to an emergency exits. They are with reduced mobility and it is not appropriate such people to be seated where they may detain evacuation. I will tell you a funny, but true story in our airline.

Boarding is completed, all passengers are on board, there are many empty seats, but it seems like there is a problem with the balance of the aircarft. This means all passengers should move a few rows ahead before take off, but some people haven’t heard the purser’s anouncement and the cabin crew must ask them politely one by one to change their seats. My boyfriend (who is former stewart) has asked a woman who was pretty ”fluffy” to move to the front rows, because there has been problem with the balance of the aircraft. The situation became awkward when the woman replied ”I’ve heard lot of stories and anecdotes for fat people, but I haven’t heard of this one…it’s real good, I like it!” and they both started laughing. Awkward situation indeed, but with happy ending and most important nobody got offended. I like people who have sense of self irony! Oh, wait…another story just came into my mind.

Ramp agent tells the purser there is a pregnant woman on board who hasn’t filled a form. (pregnant women usually must fill a form, in which they declare they are allowed to travel and will release from responsibility the airline if something goes wrong on board). The purser who is still a stewart and collegue of mine sees a woman who looks like she is the pregnant one and gives her filling the form. The woman looks at him very confusing and that is the moment when the purser is realizing he has made a mistake and the woman is obviously fat, not pregnant. He didn’t know what else to do exept to apologise and keep on looking for that pregnant woman!

6. If you have problems with the frequent visits to the toilet you better do it while waiting for your flight at the terminal, instead of waiting to get on board…boarding hasn’t finished yet and the queue in front of the lavatory is already a fact…don’t you suffer from claustrophobia?! Guys…we need to take off as soon as possible, what were you doing at the terminal?

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7. During the flight when the seatbelt signs are being switched on it means you should fasten your seatbelt, not going to the lavatory. So it is better to return to your seat and do what you are kindly requested to do, instead of arguing with the flight attendants. You must appreciate that what they are doing is for your own safety, they don’t give orders just to hear their own voices…Yes, we – flight attendants have become waitresses, doctors, babysitters, cleaners, cooks, but do we have to become beast-tamers too? We won’t have enough space in our CVs next time to fill all these qualifications…

The rest of the article you can read on: 16 advices for a pleasant and comfortable flight. Part 2

 

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